I guess I just need to know that we’d still be able to go out and do normal stuff. Honestly if you could take me on a normal date once in a while and give up a some of your sessions I think I could be ok with this. All I need to know is that I’m worth something to you, that it’s not you’re whole world and that I’m getting what I deserve.

I didn’t think it would ever hurt like this again. Not for you at least.

In desperate for a girls night. A real one where we just watch dumb movies, paint each others nails, take silly pictures. There would be chocolate and laughing and no drama. We would stay up all night distracting each other from any worries even though we knew they’d still be there tomorrow. But I haven’t had a friend I could do this with in years. Everyone’s changed,grew apart, or moved away. I don’t know what to do anymore.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to handle everything we talked about last night. I knew the accident changed you but maybe I never knew the real you, just a cute sweet innocent mask you put on. Or maybe you were in the process of changing and this reverted you back to everything. I guess it doesn’t really matter because either way you’re a different person now. The part that I can’t let myself accept is that you still give me butterflies, you still make me smile more than anyone, I still feel like I’m being punched in the guy anytime I picture you with someone else, and I still want to be with you all the time. This scares me so much because I’m afraid I’m not strong enough to keep you from changing me. Maybe I want you to deep down. No one has ever confused me as much as you do. I keep saying I don’t know where I want to go from here but if I’m being honest with myself I do know. I know that I still want you no matter what and that hopefully you’ll grow out of this and we can be together. But for now I guess I’m just along for the ride. Next weekend is going to answer so many questions.